Happiness is defined as a mental or emotional state of well-being. The positive or pleasant feeling derived from contentment or joy. But feelings are temporary, as we all know. They change like the colors on the leaves from season to season. They come and go like the wave rushes on a windy spring day, slipping through the cracks of our toes as we listen to the sounds of the ocean whisking against the tides. Feelings, they vanish like the clear skies before the storm, they inexplicably reappear like the majestic weeping willows in May, gently swaying through the cool spring breeze.
But who wants transient happiness? Are we only limited to that of momentary euphoria, just to deter back to the dreadful being of melancholy? We are so afraid to be happy alone that we automatically refer to lonesome as sadness, when ultimately happiness is a condition fulfilled by self-appreciation, self-assurance. “I want to make you happy.” Is more common than, “I want to make me happy.” So often that those around you are smiling and you, not so much. And we are content with that. We are content knowing someone else is joyful not considering that we both deserve fulfillment. We resent ourselves yet we are okay knowing we are in a companionship that does not even begin to stimulate optimistic emotions within ourselves. Why is that?
Why can’t I love you and love me too? Why can’t we distill a permanent kind of happiness within each other, simultaneously so that when I smile it’s because you’re smiling and you’re smiling because I’m smiling? Or is that too much? Is it too much for us to watch these seasons change together, not for the seasons to change and we, as lovers, distantly change with them? Can we be the difference, not the statistic? So that, when they ask us “Are you happy?” We can smile and walk away, knowing that our happiness is rare, and no one would understand the extent of our permanent, genuine infatuation for one another, and our own personal bliss with ourselves.
The only thing constant is change, they say. Perhaps, that is true. Never did they say change is negative. We are so ignorant to the fact that change can be good and change does not always mean starting over, change means progression. Change means growth, at least it should. Can we vow to self-evaluation and change for the betterment within, to better each other. To change in a positive aspect, but change together. With experience, comes growth. And we would only be insane not to change how we’re doing things and expect a positive outcome. Let’s make change so that feelings are only temporary in the sense that they are growing stronger, rather than disappearing for each other and reappearing for another, only to repeat this cycle of misery where we both will end up alone anyway.
I have a past. You have a past. That seems to frighten people when starting over. But how can we create a world of love and happiness without experiencing the squalor and pain? I am not perfect, no one is. I just want someone to understand that I have matured. Like a seed, into a flower, I have germinated and with no regrets, I will flourish. People tend to dwell on the past as if it is a template for the present when it should only be an example of where you do not want to convert back to. Starting over has no essential meaning if, we aren’t really starting over. Instead we are bringing our past with us to every new beginning only making it a continuance of what ruined us before, ultimately being detrimental to what could be something great.
Our own insecurities are what we are fearful of; not allowing someone to completely help us overcome them. What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid to love and be loved? Are we afraid of perpetual commitment and passion? We avoid what we really want so unintentionally we drive ourselves crazy. We can be happy. Feelings do not have to be temporary. We dwell on our past experiences, faulting new beginnings, then end up alone. We are inclined to think everyone is the same, and we hate that, yet we refrain from change. How ironic. Everyone is the same, because everyone is afraid of change. Everyone is afraid of change, because we fear failure. We fear failure because we fear success. We fear success because we fear criticism. We fear criticism because we fear pain, discomfort, and effort to progress. Because we are afraid, we resist positive change, we do not grow; only making us complacent and satisfied with the miserable lives a lot of us lead. We fear these things, end up alone, and then question God why.
God puts people in our lives with purpose yet in many occasions; we completely neglect the blessings presented before us because of our own insecurities and fears, inadvertently proclaiming our own misery. We lack ownership, place blame, only to remain desolate. We have destroyed the true meaning of happiness, the true meaning of change. We have made it a complete negative aspect of our lives, eliminating the possibility of positive change, real love and happiness to even be a possibility. Let’s start over. Let’s give it a new meaning.
I want to get to know you. I want to take the time to figure out all of your insecurities so that I can help reassure you that you have nothing to be afraid of. I want to explore your mind, to better understand you as a person. I want to stimulate you emotionally; I want to please you mentally. I want you to feel that perennial happiness through the love that I can provide you so that you have no doubt in your mind that you can change in a positive direction, and we can grow together. Let me help you find the best in you, while finding the best in myself, so we can make a better us. I want to exceed all expectations you have from a lover, deeper than any physical pleasure. I need you to help me understand myself. I need to build a friendship with you so we can be cherishable lovers. I need you to help me stay level-headed and open-minded. I need you to allow me to be myself and love you with no limits.
Can we watch the colors of the leaves change from season to season together? Can we walk the beach and sit on the shore as the water vanishes and reappears from the cracks of our toes together? Can we grow weeping willows in the midst of May together? Can we make our imperfect pasts a perfect present, together? Can we be the successful difference of a failed society, together? Can we grow old together?
Am I dreaming?